Penis bread epiphany

You might think, from the title, that perhaps I have had some sort of epiphany about penis bread, but no.  Despite the fact that I post about it every so often, I don't actually spend much time thinking about penis bread at all, unless of course I am wandering through the Marais and find that the always-delightful Legay Choc bakery has done something new and exciting with it, which they did for the holiday of Epiphany.  This holiday is rather a big deal in France, and if I could be bothered to go into detail about it, I'm sure you'd find it very interesting.  But I'm lazy and there's a whole internet out there and I wouldn't want your mad Googling skillz to go to waste, so go ahead and look it up if you like.

But the point is that Epiphany in France involves a special cake called a galette, which you can buy anywhere here all throughout January.  Galettes come in all sorts of variations, but I've never seen this version before...

More penis bread

Gentle readers, isn't January a depressing month?  The festive season is over and a long gloomy winter lies ahead.  Today it was particularly grey and grim and windy and rainy in Paris and I'm attempting a (much-needed) month-long detox.  Sigh.  So you can see how I need to be cheered up, but never fear, because......penis bread to the rescue!!!  You may recall that I used to live in the Marais and my old neighbourhood bakery there sells this rather delightful item, which I have posted about in the past (Penis bread).  But it seems that they have expanded their repertoire, and I feel I must share this awesomeness with you.

Firstly, the penis baguette - please note that it comes in both poppy and sesame seed to delight your gourmet tastebuds, which is very important, I'm sure you'll agree:

Then we have the chocolate-chip penis brioche.  I'll admit that it looks slightly dodgy, but I assure you that it's delicious:

And finally, quite possibly the greatest thing in the world: the penis tarte aux framboises:

Gentle readers, the tarte aux framboises is already my favourite thing in any bakery, but shaped like this?  How much temptation can one little blogger resist??  I haven't actually bought one of these yet, but that's only because it's about twelve inches long (make your own jokes here, you cheeky little monkeys) and should probably be shared (okay, that's enough smut from you - honestly, what kind of a blog do you think this is?  Get your minds out of the gutter...because I'd like to be alone down there.  Hee!  Tip your waitresses, I'm here all week!).  Anyway, the point is that I was going to wait for the proper occasion to buy one of these, but with this being January, I'm sort of thinking the proper occasion might be any damn time I feel like it?  I'll let you know when I succumb...

NB - should you find yourself in Paris and then find yourself in the Marais, Legay Choc bakery can be found on the rue St Croix de la Bretonnerie, at the corner of rue du Temple.  Enjoy!

Penis bread

Gentle readers, did you think I'd forgotten?  Yes, I know it was waaaay back in May when I posted about my local bakeries in the Marais (Crab bread) and promised you a photo of the famous local penis bread, but didn't the anticipation just make it all the more...delicious?  And since you had to wait so long, I'm sizing the photo as extra-large for your added enjoyment.  Oooh la la!

Crab bread

Everyone knows that the French make the best bread in the world - baguette, batard, brioche (to name just a few) - ooooh la la!  But perhaps the bakers here are getting a little bored and need to amuse themselves?    I passed a local boulangerie the other day, and couldn't quite believe the awesomeness of these loaves (please forgive the poor quality of the photos, I was in a hurry and was shooting through the window glass):

Turtle bread

Gator bread

My personal favourite - crab bread!!!

Sea creatures at the bakery

Totally amazing, and although you can't tell from the photos, they're really big as well, a good couple of feet long (or wide, as in the case of Monsieur Crab).  I was very impressed with these, although not quite as impressed as I was with the local boulangerie which makes bread shaped like...erm...how to say this delicately?...well, it's shaped like male genitalia.  That's right, it's penis bread.  (Which is yet another sentence I never thought I'd say.)  Well, that's a photo for another day, gentle readers...