Totally crap outfit of the week #24

So there I was on the Metro, innocently disembarking from my train and getting on the escalator, when I glanced up at the person in front of me, only to see a whole coatful of these creeeeeeeeepy little faces leering back at me - gahhh!  Why?  Whyyyyyyyy?!?

Totally crap outfit of the week #23

Well, Miss K is often not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I'm going to go waaaaay out on a limb here and guess that this lady is somewhat fond of the colour pink.  And hey, I like pink as much as the next gal (possibly more, since I have somehow managed to acquire four pairs of pink shoes over the years, which is probably three pairs more than necessary), but this seems a teensy bit excessive.  And had I managed to shoot this photo from the front, you would have seen that even her glasses were pink.  So, so wrong...

Totally crap outfit of the week #22

Well, where do I even start?  The shiny jeans tucked into the socks?  The inappropriate-for-most-places-but-especially-the-streets-of-Paris wifebeater?  The...thing...he's wearing around his waist (I know it is sometimes referred to as a "fanny pack", but I lived in London for a decade and that is most decidedly not a term I use - if you don't know why, look it up online under British slang), which has the numbers 1971 embroidered on it - sir, that may possibly have been the year when you were in your dubious prime, but I'm not sure I'd draw attention to it, since that day has most decidedly been and gone.  Or, could it possibly be the hair?  I'm aware that hair is not technically part of one's outfit, but when one has a bald spot the size of Jupiter and still insists on wearing what's left of one's greying hair in dreadlocks, well, that's just an invitation to ridicule...

Totally crap outfit of the week #21

Dude.  You look like an egg.  That is all.

Totally crap outfit of the week #20

Okay, so here's what I don't get:

1) It's 4000 degrees Celcius and you're wearing Uggs.  I actually own a pair of very lovely Uggs and wore them a couple of years ago to take a flight from London to Toronto in December and they were so insanely hot that I had to take them off, and walk around the airport in my socks like a hobo (and yes, answer the awkward security questions about why I was carrying my boots rather than wearing them).  They were so hot that I couldn't bear to put them back on again until we landed and I could go out into the minus 22C weather in Toronto, which is a circumstance when wearing a pair of sheepskin boots was entirely right and proper.  But on a summer day in Paris when it's already 4000C?  How is this okay?  And more to the point, how have her feet not burst into flames???

2)  This is a skinny chick with a hot bod - exactly why is is she wearing underwear in a size more suited to a pre-schooler?  I mean, it's bad enough that the lingerie is black under a pink dress (you can't really tell that from this photo, but in real life, believe me, it was obvious from about 20 metres away), but why is she wearing a size that makes her look like an over-stuffed bratwurst???

Totally crap outfit of the week #19

Sometimes, there are just no words needed...

Totally crap outfit of the week

Can someone please tell me what's going on here?  Is she wearing a potato sack with holes cut out at the bottom?  Or perhaps it's a new style of straitjacket and somehow the straps have come loose and wrapped around her legs?  I am not only baffled about what it is, I'm also completely mystified as to why anyone would wear such a thing in public.  I will concede that the shoes are kinda cute, but not cute enough to distract from the potato sack straitjacket - hell, she could be pushing a wheelbarrow full of frisky kittens and fluffy bunnies, and even they wouldn't be cute enough to distract from the horror of that garment...

My Top 10 (so far)

I was looking at my blog stats today, and it's quite interesting to see which posts have been the most popular with you, gentle readers.  And since it also seems that I've had an influx of new readers recently (welcome!), I thought I would let you know what this blog's  Top 10 All-Time Most Popular Posts have been thus far:

10.  No surprise that another compilation made it into the Top 10 - I had so many left-over photos of crappy outfits from 2010 that I needed to do a whole extra post just to share them all:

Totally crap outfits of 2010 (previously unseen)

9.  Ahh, the glamour of living in Paris.  You seemed to enjoy hearing about how moving is just as stressful here as it is anywhere else...

Déménagement

8.  Not much in the way of writing, but some of my prettiest photos ever:
Jour Blanche

7.  Same again - minimal writing in this travel post, but y'all sure seemed to appreciate the photos:
Charming Chartres

6.  One of my sillier moments, but I had fun writing it and it seems you also enjoyed this story of doomed feline romance:

"Tails" of romance from the City of Love

5. Another post about travel - I personally think you only liked it because you're all now hooked on cheese crack:

Why the Belgians are better than the French (Pt 2)

4. Aaaand you're back to the topic of love (although human this time, not feline); coming in at Number Four, my romantic travails in the most romantic (yeah, whatever) city on the planet :

Paris: City of Love. Really?

3.  Seriously, you guys?  This is what you clicked on enough times to put it into third place?  Jeez.  Glad you were all so amused at my hideousness.  Hmph.  And I'll have you know that my eyelashes are, in fact, growing back - I expect to look human again sometime around the end of...erm...June, or thereabouts...
The eyes have it. Well, they used to...

2.  In second place, one of my more educational and well-written (if I do say so myself - it amused me to re-read it, which is always a good sign) posts, featuring the ever-popular Tiny Dancer (previously known as Miss A before I decided I had to give people proper nicknames):
Nature Capitale

1.  And at Number One, this is hands-down, by-a-mile, the most popular blog post I have ever written - I don't know if it's because it features the awesome Mr and Mrs Redneck, or because I took some mighty pretty photos, or because the subject matter (champagne) is interesting to a lot of people, but whatever the appeal is, here it is again:
Reims with the Rednecks

So, having seen what you like (not all of which would have been in my own personal Top 10 of my best work, I have to admit - which goes to show how little I know of popular opinion!), I must conclude that you're totally down with my pretty pictures, but not so much with my yapping.  Hmmm - I am not sure if I should consider that a big "yay!" to my photographic skills and a giant "booo, you suck!" to my writing skills, but I'm hoping it all just averages out over time.  Regardless, thanks for following/subscribing/visiting, and I'll try to keep up with your high standards, gentle-but-demanding readers!  Much love, Miss K

Awesome outfit of the week

Okay, at first glance you might think this outfit is a little on the boring side - classic white shirt and classic black blazer with jeans, but scroll on down and check out the feet: he's wearing leopard shoes.  O.M.G!!!  So fantastic...

Totally crap outfit of the week

Okay, wearing a coat that looks like hideous motel wallpaper from the 1970s is bad enough, but combining it with that scruffy little backpack?  This lady has reached a certain age - an age when one should not only own a nice handbag, but one should use such a handbag, rather than carting around a backpack that even a penniless student would be embarrassed about. Not to mention the white boots - I mean, really:  white boots?  Madame, the last person I saw wearing such a thing was a hooker on the rue St Denis, and her boots were a lot cuter than yours.

Totally crap outfit of the week

Do you ever get the feeling that someone has their eye on you? 

Awesome outfit of the week

Oooh, it's been a while since I did one of these - shall we guess why?

A)  because it's been winter and it's hard to judge what people are wearing when they're all bundled up in big coats; or

B)  because I'm a horribly mean person and it's way more fun for me to write about the totally crap outfits.

Really, not one of you chose A)?  Are you sure?  You wouldn't like to, oh, I don't know,  maybe mull it over for a while before deciding?  No?  Dudes, where's the love?  Oh, fine, you're absolutely right. How well you know me, gentle readers - hee!  But, to give credit where it's due, I am totally loving this outfit.  Classic black skirt and fitted denim jacket, livened up with fun shoes, a vintage bag, a fabulous leopard scarf and very cool red sunglasses.  And, to really give credit where it's due, this is actually my lovely and talented friend Tiny Dancer - when I met up with her, I decided her outfit was so great that it deserved to be in this category, so I sneaked a photo when she wasn't looking.   See, I'm not always horribly mean...

Totally crap outfit of the week

Okay, just because I am horribly disfigured at the moment, did you really think I would let you down by not keeping track of the fashion crimes on the streets of Paris?   Admittedly, I have been shunning human contact as much as possible; I had to go to the office on Monday, but other than there, my sunglasses have been firmly in place anytime I have gone out this week - from riding the Metro to buying groceries, my shades have not left my face when I've been out in public.   Yes, that's right, I'm that idiot - Indoor Sunglasses Wearer.  Gah!!  Well, at least that's better than subjecting the good citizens of Paris to Ol' Eye-bald...

Anyway, the point is that I've been hiding at home for most of this week, which is a damn shame because the weather has been beautiful.  Fortunately, my apartment has a teeny-tiny balcony (so I've been able to enjoy the sunshine) and my camera has a long lens (so I've been able to enjoy people-watching).  And even though I was way up on the 5th floor, I could hardly miss this fashion monstrosity.  Hell, this little ensemble is probably visible from space.  In fact, aliens might have been on their way to Earth, seen this from a billion light years away, and turned right back around and gone home again. Because going by this outfit, there's clearly no intelligent life on this planet...

Totally crap outfit of the week...or is it?

You know, I have to say - when this lady brings the crazy?  She brings it hard.  I mean, I am slightly in awe: it's about 18 layers of crazy, but please note how carefully it all matches.  And I beg you to scroll down for the close-up - normally I only use a full-length photo for these, but quite honestly?  This deserves a close-up...

Okay, this is where she goes so far into totally crap that she kinda tips right over into totally awesome.  I originally thought it was feathers, but I do believe that's her hair sticking up, adorned with chopsticks (matching chopsticks, no less), but the best thing, the very best thing ever, is that she's actually wearing a crown.  A crown!!! At 4:30pm on a random Wednesday, while going to do her grocery shopping.  So. Freakin'. Great.  Your Majesty (if I may call you that?), Miss K salutes you and would very much like to know where I can get a crown of my own...

Totally crap outfit of the week

You know, Miss K is not a total killjoy when it comes to fashion - if people want to wear novelty sweaters, they should absolutely feel free to do such a thing.  By which I mean: at Christmas,  in the privacy of your own home where you will be seen only by friends and family who will love you regardless, and where you can blame over-indulgence in excessive amounts of alcohol as an excuse for wearing such a garment.  But in public?  In broad daylight??  In Paris???  Madame, even the snowmen (yes, in the plural - there are four on this sweater) are embarrassed...

Totally crap outfit of the week

Okay - is it just me or does this combo of the red hat and the green jacket remind anyone else of a great big martini olive?  Mmmm - martinis...  Well, honestly - if I had to go and have a cocktail after seeing this outfit (and I'm not saying any such thing, of course), who could blame me??

Tales from Toronto (Part 3)

Yes, yes, I know I left Toronto two weeks ago, but I was sifting through my photos and they were making me laugh, so I just had to do one more post about my wonderfully weird hometown before getting fully back to the goings-on in Paris. Yes, I'm going to be one of those annoying people who make you look at their holiday photos - sorry!

This is a little family Xmas tradition - the building of the gingerbread houses.  There were five of them this year (so it's a bit more like building a whole gingerbread suburb, actually) but this was my favourite house - please note the giant plume of icing "smoke" coming from the chimney, and the chocolate-button bosoms on the gingerbread lady.  Hee!  Outstanding...

A lovely friend, whom I have known since I was eight years old, took me out for a very boozy lunch one day (ahh, she knows me so well) and this little piece of weirdness was on the wall of the restaurant bathroom.  And I think I speak for us all with a resounding "Huh?  Why?  What the -?  Why would you -? Huh??"  See, I told you before that Canadians are slightly strange  - in the nicest possible way, of course.

On another day, I was out for a very boozy dinner (yes, apparently there was a theme to my Toronto visit) with some other friends, and we went to this lovely restaurant.  Isn't it nice?  Doesn't it look like a reasonably sophisticated dining establishment?  Well, scroll on down to the next photo...

...because this is the outdoor seating area for the above restaurant.  Yes, those are hay bales.  Hee!  So. Freakin'. Awesome. 

For those of you who don't personally know Miss K, here's a bit of info about me: I hate dry food - things like toast are my idea of hell.  Ugh.  But I love sauce, gravy, everything like that (at family holiday dinners, I'm actually not allowed to have the gravy boat until everyone else has their turn, because I would cheerfully just take it all),  so when dining out, I always ask for extra sauce - and in Toronto, when you ask for extra, they give you extra.  Heaven...

In case you're wondering what the hell this is, let me enlighten you.  It's a Christmas tree made entirely of snowshoes, it's in the poshest department store in Toronto, and it's awesome.

All right, technically I should have used this photo for a Totally Crap Outfit of the Week post, but it makes me laugh so much -  I just had to keep it with the rest of the Toronto photos.  Look at him - he's all: "Ooooh yeah, fedora, big scarf, fur coat,  I am one pimptastic bad-ass mofo, that's right.  I'm so bad."  And then he goes and slings a Jamaica backpack on top of it all like a total doofus.  Heeheeheeheehee! 

All right, so that's the end of the Tales from Toronto for another year, I hope you liked them (although I am still totally kicking myself for not getting a photo of the chandelier made entirely of hockey sticks - if any of you TO readers know the restaurant it's in and you send me a photo, I'll publish on here and give you full credit!).  We now return you to your regular Paris programming...

Totally crap outfits of 2010 (previously unseen)

Okay, I am little behind with this due to my recent zombiefication (see previous post for details), but I did promise you the totally crap outfits that didn't make it into the blog last year, so here you are, with love from Miss K.  In no particular order:

You know, I admire the commitment to the crazy, I really do.  Especially the parasol, that's a nice touch.  But a) would it have been too much effort to run a brush through your hair? and b) did I mention the craaaayyyyyyzeeeeee???

Okay, as you all know, I myself am genuine low-class swamp trash, but I promise you that even in the depths of poverty, when I was wearing hand-me-downs that had probably gone through about eighteen owners before they finally ended up with me, I still never wore anything this bad.   Really, you're going to come to Paris and stand in front of the Louvre wearing this?  You're giving trash a bad name, honey...

Okay, let me explain something to you, dearie.  When you went into the tourist shop and bought that tea towel with the Eiffel Tower on it?  Yeah, it's not actually meant to be worn as a dress.  Just a little tip from me to you. 

Somewhere in Bhutan, there must be a naked and very pissed-off monk wondering why someone stole his robes, and why this woman is wearing them through the streets of Paris.  Dude, we're all wondering that...

Quick note to my family:

Hi guys,

Could you do me a great big favour?  When I get to be over 70 (like this lady), if I attempt to leave the house dressed like this, could you please have me committed immediately?  Thanks!

Much love,

Miss K

I took this on the Metro, and this is all I could get into the shot because she was right beside me, but really: leopard print shoes, swirly fuschia tights with a butterfly pattern, and an embroidered neon floral coat?  Just thank me for not photographing the top half of the outfit.  Really.  Just thank me.

 I know - you're looking at this, thinking you should maybe call the nice men with the butterfly nets to come and collect this lady?  Look a little more closely, because it appears she's already wearing a butterfly net.  Over a top that has a butterfly on it.  A butterfly with...roots?  Oooookay.   Moving right along. And  don't get me started on the hair, because if I look at this photo much longer, you might need to call the nice men with the butterfly nets to come and collect me.

You know, Miss K is half Scottish, and I like a bit of tartan from time to time.  This?  Is a lot of tartan.  And generally speaking, if it looks like you needed a crowbar to wedge you into your outfit?  Then maybe, just maybe, you should wear something else - something a little looser that doesn't involve any tartan.  I would thank you, and I'm pretty sure the good people of Scotland would thank you as well...

Sometimes I do this crazy thing.  Sometimes, before I leave the house, I look in a mirror to see whether what I'm wearing is the most unflattering outfit ever seen by the eyes of humankind.  And if it is?  Then I don't wear it.  Gah!  It's not rocket science, people...

Could I just.....oh, I don't know....make a teeny tiny suggestion here, sweetie?  I mean, it's only a thought, no need for you to decide about it right away or anything, no pressure.  But here's my idea (and again, just a crazy notion that came to me): that the next time you decide to cover yourself in glue and roll around on the floor of a thrift shop (which is clearly the thrift shop in Hell) and then go out in public wearing whatever rags stuck to you, I'm thinking you should just.... Not. Ever. Do. That. Again.

Happy NYE!

Well, gentle readers, I'm back.  Back in Paris, back to blogging, back in black - you name it, I'm back to it.  And in honour of New Year's Eve, I was going to wrap up 2010 with the Totally Crap Outfits of the Year, because there are quite a few totally crap outfits which I have photographed this year, but for one reason or another, never got around to writing about.  However, I am leaving shortly for a dinner followed by a masquerade party and I don't have time to truly do these outfits justice in such a short time; trust me, they deserve my proper care and attention - I was actually laughing out loud just looking back at the photos.  So look for that tomorrow - or possibly the next day, depending on how outrageous my hangover is tomorrow...

And hopefully it will be outrageous and I will have a wonderful time tonight - last year's NYE was the worst one of my entire life (and that's including the year I had a spinal tap because doctors thought I had meningitis - which is a long story for another time, but you get the idea, yes?) so I need to take the bad mojo off it by having extra fun tonight.  And of course I wish all of you extra fun in return - Happy New Year's, everyone!

Totally crap outfit of the week

Okay, so this is actually from last week before I left Paris, but hey, I've been a little busy.  Anyway, let's see what we have here, shall we?  

Now, I know that as one gets older, one can indulge in little eccentricities, and why not?  I fully approve of aging disgracefully.  Too many martinis at lunch?  Hell, yes.  Having a fling with a hot pool boy called Pedro?  Go for it.  However, I don't approve of using curtains as clothing - Scarlett O'Hara could barely pull it off, and madam, you are no Scarlett O'Hara.  This fabric was ugly hanging in the window of whatever cheap, nasty motel you swiped it from and it's still eye-wateringly ugly now...