1. Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the Underground
Not a creature was stirring
Except for the old drunk next to me.
We were both waiting for the same train and while there were probably visions of sugarplums (among other things) dancing through his head, he was clear on one point: "Ten years wasted on her, ten years of my life wasted on that woman." Well, mama always said not to talk to strangers, but hey, I'm a sucker for an unlucky-in-love story, it was Christmas Eve and he was a sad old man, so I nodded and muttered sympathetically once in a while as he rambled on about it. Anyway, when we got on the train, he insisted on giving me one of his beers and then, before he got off at the next stop, stood up and proclaimed to the entire car what a wonderful human being I am. I was, to put it mildly, mortified (I mean, I agree and everything, but jeez, you don't have to make a scene about it). At the next stop, another guy got on, saw the can of beer that I had put on the seat next to me, asked if it was mine, and when I shook my head, he popped open and guzzled it there and then. So I hope this little story serves to remind you all of the true meaning of Christmas: free beer provided by complete strangers.
- English Language: After writing about "Puppetry of the Penis", a small grammatical point occurred to me. Since the plural of octopus is octopi, and the plural of Elvis (as everybody knows) is Elvi, why is it that the plural of penis is not peni? Can anyone answer this for me?
- Why You Should Listen To Kenny Rogers – I was thinking about having a juicy, messy, horrible romance that would fill me with angst, spite, and creative energy, but I just can't be bothered right now. To paraphrase Kenny Rogers (who can actually be counted on for good advice in most of life's dilemmas -- he's kind of like a country 'n' western Yoda), I'm a-folding and a-running. Thanks, Kenny!