Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Tiger head

I know that title sounds like it might refer to Mr Woods and something he might have done with his 847 alleged mistresses, but no, it's nothing that exciting.  It merely refers to the abomination that I used to refer to as my hair.

Let me start again:  I needed a haircut and I also wanted to start heading back to blonde from my current dark colour, so I made an appointment at Toni & Guy (oh yes, I am naming names in this little tale of shame) for a cut and highlights, thinking that I couldn't go too far wrong at a salon from London.  Well, let's just put it this way - the colourist said she couldn't do blonde highlights because they "wouldn't look natural" and proceeded to give me highlights which are....ORANGE.  Not only that, but she also dyed my roots to match my ends, so I'm now super-dark brunette with chunky ORANGE stripes all over my head.  Yes, I look like a freakin' tiger - hence the blog post title.  So glad  she didn't go with the blonde, because the ORANGE is really so much more natural - and also, I'd  like to thank her for starting the highlights about two inches away from my roots so that I not only look like a tiger, but some trampy trailer-trash tiger who can't be bothered to get her regrowth dyed and all the other tigers laugh at her for being so slovenly.

Oh, and did I mention the cut?  Well, ladies, when Victoria Beckham got that cute pixie cut a couple of years ago, did any of you wonder how that might look on you?  Me too - but since I am built like a lumberjack, I quickly realized that a pixie cut would make my head look like a peanut compared to my broad shoulders.  And that's okay, because that's not exactly the cut I got.  Noooo.  The girl gave me a pixie cut in the front (a short fringe didn't suit me when I was 10 and guess what? It still doesn't) and then, in spite of me telling her that I am growing out my hair and to just trim my layers, she essentially scalped me.  So the back of my head still has long hair, but because she cut so much of it away and it is already very fine, it has certain wispy characteristics in common with, god help me, a mullet.  So, could this be the next big thing in hairdressing circles?  What would one call the ungodly mixture of a mullet and a pixie cut?  A mullie?  A pixlet?  Well, whatever it is, I have one and it is loathsome

So until I can get back to London next month and visit a proper salon, there's not much to be done to fix the colour, and I will just have to wear my hair up all summer until it grows a bit.  How delightful.  But if you're in Paris in the meantime and you happen to see a tallish woman with a tiger-striped head?  That will be me, feel free to come and say hi - although if you don't want to be seen with me at the moment, I completely understand...


  1. Oh no oh no oh no.... dreadful.. what a foolish witch to do such a nasty thing. If I were you at the very least I would go and get some dark colour and cover the stripes and let all the air out of her car tires... well don't quote me on that. and don't show my name on the post ;)

  2. Rebecca - great idea about the car tires, don't think I'm not tempted to take some kind of vengeance!
    Ruth - are you crazy? It's bad enough the good people of Paris have to look at my hair, I am certainly not sharing the hideousness with the rest of you!!